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Creating An Intentional Guest List

Would it be easier to invite someone to avoid the potential drama and hurt feelings and awkward conversations? Maybe...but would it be worth it?


Written by Kayln Bohl


When Annie and I sat down to make our respective guest lists, we talked about the basics- how many people we wanted, if people were allowed a plus one, and if kids were invited. It was important to us to not feel obligated to invite anyone just because it's the "polite" thing to do. I chose to invite five people from my family. Five. I don't have a close relationship with my brother and he's never shown any interest in getting to know Annie so he was not invited. You are under no obligation to invite people to your wedding, regardless of your relationship. I battled with my decision to not invite him for a very long time but at the end of the day, it's my wedding and when I think about my wedding day, I picture being surrounded by people who love me and support me 100% of the time.


To me, a wedding ceremony is something I view as a vulnerable, sacred, private event that sets clear intentions for how you're going to navigate the rest of your life with someone and only the most important people in your life should be there to take part in it because they play a role not only in your wedding but in your marriage, which is the bigger picture. I expect every person I invite to hold me and Annie accountable to our promises and vows we make to each other on that day. When things get hard and we feel like giving up, I expect them to help us navigate through that time and remind us about why we fell in love with each other and encourage us to keep working at our marriage.


Would it be easier to invite someone to avoid the potential drama and hurt feelings and awkward conversations? Maybe...but would it be worth it? Would these people add to your day, to your marriage, or cause more pain? Sure, they could probably benefit from spending a day with people who are different from them but it's not your job to make other people comfortable, especially on your wedding day. Queer people are constantly having to educate others but for this one day, you get to just be; be in love, be surrounded in love, and be unapologetically yourself so enjoy it and celebrate with the ones who lift you up.

Photo courtesy of Friends and Lovers Photography

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